“A community with millions of beautiful singles,” Date.com was launched on Valentine’s Day, 1997. It is the largest privately-held site. They are adding new members at a rate of approximately 250,000 per month.
It's free to create a profile and receive mail, but only members can send mail or even respond to emails received. I noted that you can’t turn off the auto-renew feature. I was pleased that they had “Pagan and Earth-Based” religion in the questionnaire, but you can’t search for that in a partner, only for religion as “other.” You can do a keyword search, though, for a word in their essays. In the chatroom, you can’t click on a member name to see his/her profile; you have to type the username into a search window.
Features for members include the ability to see how many people have viewed your profile, as well as how many are online, are new, and are in your area (the latter three with links to their profiles). Every time you view a profile it tells you how recently the person has logged in. Their search capability is mostly good -- you can go by age range, distance from you, what kind of relationship the person is looking for, and keyword. You just have to make sure to set your sexual orientation when you first create your profile, because your searches will be set to gay, straight, or bi forever and ever.
Also available for members is an impressive and flashy e-zine with lots of online dating and RL dating tips.
I went into the chatroom to try and find people to interview. It was rough in there. Apparently they've had a few journalists stop by recently, and I felt like I'd been through some kind of fraternity hazing. I couldn't find a man willing to speak to me at all. I'm still working on that. In the meantime, here are impressions from the two women I interviewed.
I spoke with KJP, a 38-year-old hetero woman in MI, who has been a member for about 5 months. She said, "I really enjoy this site. I have made a lot of cyber friends. A lot of us are like a family here and watch out for each other." M.I. came to Date.com after seeing a pop-up ad. She was recently divorced and kind of depressed. She says, "This [chatting on Date.com] keeps my mind off real-life B.S." As I write this, she's on her way to a real-life gathering this weekend. She has a developing relationship with a guy she met on Date.com, which she defines as "For now, friendship, but he really wants the romance."
I also interviewed N.F., a 54-year-old hetero man in TX. A member for three years, N.F. said his favorite aspects of the site were the chatroom and the parties organized by members. “It can be great fun, even addictive.” Since he spends a lot of time in the chat room, N.F. found that the immensity of the site made it hard for him to find local partners. “I have dated several from here. I’ve had some great dates and one live-in. But I have been ripped off, money-wise, lots of those.” I asked him whether he’d been ripped off by porn actresses posing as regular members. “No, I’m too smart for that, but they do try. Some women just use this site to get what you have.” One moved in, robbed him, and left. “Some will run cons. They aren’t all bad, but enough are. I’m very careful now. It happens to women, too. I’ve seen it.”
B.B., a 35-year-old hetero woman in IN, told me, “You get booted off the chatroom quite a bit. I have talked to two guys seriously, and when we were getting serious they got cold feet. It’s a good place to talk to people, just as friends. Of course you have to be careful, but you have to be careful out in the world.” Does she think she’ll meet a long-term partner here? “I’m not sure about that anymore. I have made several good friends.”
A.C. is a 42-year-old hetero woman in IL, who has been a member for "several months." She calls the other members here "just average folks trying to make their way through life like me." In terms of the site's usability, she says, "Checking mail and interests, etc., is pretty easy. The only thing I haven’t been able to figure out is how to check sent mail. But you have to understand that I’m somewhat computer-savvy. An average non-Windows net user might be more confused than me. I've never really checked additional features beyond interest, mail, and chat." Has she been looking for love? No, she says, "Just trying to find friends and/or companions. For the most part, the people I’ve met here have been really nice. The overall experience has been good."
