Don't be in too much of a hurry to meet your prospect in person. One of the big benefits of online dating is the opportunity to really get to know your date before meeting. That way, you have plenty of chances to call things off if you bump up against deal-breakers. It also helps to ensure that there will be at least a spark of chemistry. When taking the interaction to private email or phone, make sure to identify yourself by username and site; your prospect may be on more than one site and talking to several different people.
Be aware that first phone call and first meeting can be a bit of a shock. Doubtless you've imagined how the person will sound, and his voice may be entirely different. Still photos don't give you a honest account of what someone looks like. Realize that the profile and photo are just hints, not the definitive last word, on who the person is. Be flexible.
When you call someone, if you can, block your number from caller ID. Dial *-67. This doesn't usually work on cell phones. If you don't block your number, the person will see it on his caller ID box and may be able to find out your address. If you can't do caller ID block, use a prepaid phone card; the caller ID number will be different from your own.
The best place to meet for a first date is a coffee shop, preferably a crowded one during the day, for safety's sake. A full meal is too much of a time commitment; you may be stuck for two hours with someone you know isn't for you. Coffee shops are friendly and intimate, designed for lingering, and even if you don't like coffee, you can get a hot chocolate or tea. Evan Marc Katz, author of "I Can't Believe I'm Buying This Book." A Commonsense Guide to Successful Internet Dating recommends going for a drink, because alcohol can relieve some of the stress and anxiety of the situation, but I think that's a bad idea. Alcohol may relieve stress, but it also relieves inhibitions and loosens the tongue. On a first meeting, you need your wits about you.
Intimacy grows quickly in cyberspace. Even if you wouldn't normally be inclined to have sex on the first date, you may be more than ready to, after weeks or even months of flirty emails and hot chatting with someone. I've been there and done that, and I wish I'd waited a bit longer. There's no harm in hugging and smooching, but if you go all the way, right away, you will still be essentially fucking a stranger, and that can mess with your psyche. If you want this relationship to last a while, it's best to take it slow and steady.
The situation's a bit different if you found your partner on an adult personals site, one with a strong sexual component, or if you've both made it clear that you're in this mainly for the sex. I'd still be inclined to agree upon a chaste first meeting-what if your guy has terrible body odor, or your gal has underestimated her weight by about 75 pounds? But if you're absolutely certain there will be chemistry, and you don't mind risking an awkward dash for the door, just make sure to have the safer sex talk: who has or had what STDs, has been tested for what STDs and how recently, and which barriers do you plan to use for what? Knowing numbers of partners won't do you too much good, in my opinion. I'm no doctor, but it seems to me that someone who's had unprotected sex with 15 partners is a much bigger risk than someone who's had safer sex with 50. Don't forget that you can get STDs from oral sex, too.
Regardless of whether you're male or female, there are a few rules of safety that you should follow. (Guys, your female date may have big scary male friends) Arrive separately for the date and drive yourself home. Tell a friend where you're going and when you expect to be back. Pay with cash, and not a credit card, to protect your anonymity. In Online Dating for Dummies, Judith Silverstein and Michael Lasky even suggest hiding your license plate from view and in fact, not letting your prospect see your car or know which one is yours, but I think that's going a bit far. Do keep an eye on your drink, lest your date slip something in. If you do feel inclined to imbibe, keep it to a minimum.
If you want an escape from a possible bad date, ask someone to call you about a half-hour in, so you can pretend there's an emergency and you have to go. If your date looks like the Bride of Frankenstein, having your "mother run out of gas" or your "boss need you at the office right away" is very convenient. Your date will understand that your mother and your boss are the two people to whom you can't say no.
Who should pay? Some say that you should split the check, so no one feels indebted to the other. Others say the person who initiated the date should pay. Evan Marc Katz says the man should always pay, even if the woman offers to split it, lest she think he's cheap. (Don't ask me what the heck gay or lesbian couples are supposed to do.)
The usual rules of a successful date apply: Be nicely dressed, with a clean body and fresh breath. Ask your date questions about him or herself. Don't talk too much about yourself: no monologues. This is supposed to be a conversation, supported by both sides. Make good eye contact. Offer opinions without being inflammatory. Practice good table manners. Try to stay cheerful and upbeat. Even if your date is wrong for you, she might have a friend she wants to introduce you to. And don't forget to have a good time.
Don't be in too much of a hurry to meet your prospect in person. One of the big benefits of online dating is the opportunity to really get to know your date before meeting. That way, you have plenty of chances to call things off if you bump up against deal-breakers. It also helps to ensure that there will be at least a spark of chemistry. When taking the interaction to private email or phone, make sure to identify yourself by username and site; your prospect may be on more than one site and talking to several different people.
When you call someone, if you can, block your number from caller ID. Dial *-67. This doesn't usually work on cell phones. If you don't block your number, the person will see it on his caller ID box and may be able to find out your address. If you can't do caller ID block, use a prepaid phone card; the caller ID number will be different from your own.
Regardless of whether you're male or female, there are a few rules of safety that you should follow. (Guys, your female date may have big scary male friends) Arrive separately for the date and drive yourself home. Tell a friend where you're going and when you expect to be back. Pay with cash, and not a credit card, to protect your anonymity. In Online Dating for Dummies, Judith Silverstein and Michael Lasky even suggest hiding your license plate from view and in fact, not letting your prospect see your car or know which one is yours, but I think that's going a bit far. Do keep an eye on your drink, lest your date slip something in. If you do feel inclined to imbibe, keep it to a minimum.